7 Daily Habits My Dad Insists Will Make You Happier and More Successful
Want to improve your life, one daily habit at a time? My dad offers some pretty good advice.
Inc.com
The other day my dad sent me an email with the subject line, "YOUR COLUMN." (My dad is sometimes big on all-caps.) It began:
Bill:
In the tradition of 12 step programs and your excellent columns, I offer the following for your use, adaptation, or rejection.
My dad (Bill Murphy Sr., if you're doing the genealogical math) has enjoyed business success
as a lawyer who built his own firm, and who has worked for himself
since the early 1970s. He and my mom raised five kids together, and
they're still going strong. They're devoted to their grandchildren, and
moreover my dad is a man who enjoys both his work and the rest of his
life.
In fact, as I read his email, it occurred to me that he's achieved
many of the things that younger people tell me are among their goals in
life. (Of course, I've been too close to realize it.)
My dad went on to offer four daily habits, each of which made great
sense to me, and which I know he's backed up with experience. However, I
also know my dad well enough to realize that offering only four pieces of advice isn't exactly his nature, so I racked his brain. Here's what we came up with.
1. Carpe diem.
You know that this is Latin for "seize the day," right? This is the
first daily habit on my dad's list. No matter how yesterday
went--whether you had great triumphs or whether you wish you'd spent the
whole day in bed, remember that every new day is a new opportunity. You
can't rest on yesterday's accomplishments, and you never have to repeat
yesterday's mistakes.
2. Spend as much time as you can with the people you love.
Your spouse, your kids, your parents, your close friends--whoever
they are--make sure that you find lots of time to spend time with the
people you truly care about. If you want to feel really guilty about
this, check out the calculator at seeyourfolks.com,
which will calculate how many more times you're likely to see your
parents based on past experience and life expectancy. (We'll wait here
while you go give them a call afterward.)
3. At the same time, love the ones you're with.
4. Work hard.
You can't always determine what you get out of something, but you can
often control what you put into it. When I was growing up and I'd be
anxious over some school assignment or other project, my dad would
usually ask me the same question afterward: "Did you give it your best
shot? Then forget about it."
5. At the end of the day, go home.
This one seems simple, until you start to realize how most of us are
almost 100% on and accessible all the time now. Now, I'm not going to
pretend that either my dad or I truly live up to this advice, but it's a
good goal to have.
6. Later, go to bed.
"Get the rest you need. Your body needs sleep--not just 'rest and
relaxation'--for it to work well," my dad insists. He's right of
course--and it's even become fashionable to admit that people need sleep.
7. Get some exercise.
My dad's sport is swimming, and while he came to it late, my dad has
the zeal of a convert. A few years ago he did a half-mile open water
swim off the beach in Narragansett, R.I. Regardless of what sport or
activity works for you, my dad advises, your day will be improved if you
do something athletic. Science backs him up.
8. Have a little faith.
As a lawyer--the kind of lawyer who takes on real clients and tries
real cases in court--dad has pretty much seen it all. He also has
stronger religious (Catholic) faith than most people I know, perhaps in
part because he's had his faith tested in many ways. It helps immensely
if you believe in something bigger than yourself.
9. Learn another language.
My dad studied ancient Greek and Latin in high school. More recently,
in his 60s, he decided to try to learn Farsi, I guess to better
understand what some of our nation's enemies were saying about us.
Whether you're literally learning another language or simply learning
how to do new things and to challenge your preconceptions, the lesson is
clear: Keep learning.
10. Read every day.
In a few weeks, guess what I'll get my dad for Father's Day: a book, most likely something on the top of the New York Times nonfiction bestseller
lists. It's what I've been doing for decades, so why stop now? I can't
think of many people I've known who read more than my dad. Importantly,
he usually reads about things that have nothing to do with his work.
11. Keep your wardrobe simple.
My dad gave me this advice years ago when I first started working--so
of course I completely ignored it at the time. However, had I gone
ahead as he'd suggested and bought a handful of white and blue shirts,
for example, and worn them every day, it would have been one fewer
decision to have to make in the morning. It looks like that kind of
simplification worked for Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, anyway.
12. Shine your shoes.
Shined shoes make you stand out these days, because most people are
so casual. You can probably substitute something else for this habit.
Just pick things that advertise to the world that you take care of small
things. So maybe you also take care of bigger things.
(Here's a text from my dad a few hours before this column ran: "Just
read it again. On point 11, change 'one less decision' to 'one fewer
decision.' Your grammar is wrong. Then, point out this message as an
example of point 12.")
13. Tell the people you love that you love them.
Hey, we're back to love. Don't just spend time with the people you
love, as advised back in No. 2. Make sure you actually tell them that
you love them. For example, when I talk to my dad, he'll tell me to tell
my wife that he loves her. Unnecessarily but amusingly, he'll add that I
should be sure to mention that he means he loves her "appropriately."
14. Don't worry.
This is one of those do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do pieces of advice, as my
dad is in fact pretty good at worrying about things. That said, worrying
rarely improves the odds of good things happening, and can actually
diminish those odds.
15. Be kind to animals.
My dad has had dogs since he was little. He treats animals well. His
advice? If you want to treat a dog well, treat it like a dog. Don't try
to make it into something it isn't, and doesn't want to be (for example,
a little human being). Help it become the best possible version of
itself.
16. Find good assistants.
For many years, my father had the same, excellent secretary. He
taught me long ago that even during the times when you're working by
yourself, you have to be willing to depend on others for help. The most productive people in the world often succeed because they refuse to do some things.
17. Repeat as needed.
This is perhaps the most important bit of advice on my dad's list, so
it's fitting to have saved it for last. None of these items are actions
so much as they are behaviors. The first time you commit to them, you
won't see results. Over a lifetime, however, they can greatly improve
your life. Aristotle put it best: "We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence is not an act, but a habit."
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Last updated: Apr 29, 2014
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BILL MURPHY JR. is a journalist, ghostwriter, and entrepreneur. He is the author of Breakthrough Entrepreneurship (with Jon Burgstone) and is a former reporter for The Washington Post.
@BillMurphyJr
@BillMurphyJr
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